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Numb to the World

That's how one of the authors I follow on Twitter described how she's feeling these days. Numb to the world. And I get it.

It seems like every day, we are bombarded with more bad news. It's never ending.

  • More than 100,000 people who have lost their lives to COVID-19 in the United States alone. The numbers continue to go up, even as our leaders drop quarantine measures of open up for the sake of the economy.

  • Ahmaud Arbery was murdered while jogging.

  • Christian Cooper filmed a white woman hysterically calling the police on him for asking her to put a leash on her dog.

  • And of course... George Floyd's murder by a police officer in Minneapolis.

  • All the while, our "leadership" is more than failing us. They're actively working against us.

The pictures of George Floyd's murder were horrific. I'll admit, I didn't watch the video. I have a policy of never watching a video in which a person is killed, but I've been rethinking this policy. Because it seems very similar to looking away, avoiding the issue. I feel I should keep my eyes open, force myself to watch these atrocities, so that I can be aware of the very real struggle every black person in America lives every day.

It's hard. I want to walk away. I want to avoid the news. I want to hide in my writing and not think about the real world. But I also know that is privilege. Having a choice is a privilege I have because I'm white.

And more importantly, I want to do the right thing for my fellow humans. I want justice. I want equality. I want my country to live up to the ideals it pretends to have. So, I can't let myself turn away or ignore what is happening around me.

However, I've found it hard to focus on anything on my personal radar. My writing has taken a hit. I sit down at my computer, and all I can think about is the conversations happening on social media.

That said, today I finally came to a decision regarding my revisions for Alyssa's Playlist which I think will fix the problems that I've been struggling with the past few weeks. I'm going to try very hard to knock them out within the week so I can focus on writing some short stories during the rest of June, and hopefully find my creativity again.