Once again, I have neglected my blog for a little over two months, and now I feel I must post something. Anything. Like nearly everyone, lately I've been feeling disconnected from the world around me. I've always thought I was a loner, that I enjoyed solitude (and I do, to an extent) but life under quarantine takes solitude to a whole new level.
And I hate it.
At first, I felt great. Work was less stressful. Creating videos and online assignments can be time consuming, but teaching without interruptions and student behavior is glorious. There's no other word for it. Glorious. I was less exhausted, less stressed. I had more time to engage in creative pursuits. I crocheted a bunch, powered through drafting SIX SECRETS, and I felt good about it!
But now, we're on week 8 (I think?) of quarantine, and while work stressors have all but disappeared, home stressors have taken over my life.
My children (6 and 2) bicker practically non-stop. My husband and I bicker quite a bit too. My oldest is in kindergarten and required to complete a certain number of assignments each day, but actually convincing him to work on those assignments? Not exactly a cake walk.
I find myself giving up on things I know I should work harder at. Potty training the youngest? Half-assed at best. Providing high quality online lessons? I put them off until the last minute. And don't get me started on every day housework. I've got baskets of clean laundry that have been waiting over two weeks to be folded.
And let's not talk about Mother's Day, when all hopes of feeling appreciated and loved were quickly dashed the second my foot hit the floor after waking up and the first thing my child said was, "I'm hungry, I want eggs." No breakfast in bed for this mom.
Through all this, I do have to keep my eyes on the positive.
The extra time I've spent with my children over the past two months has been wonderful. I'm finding without the stress of work, and driving them around all the time to go to school, go to Tae Kwon Do, go to grandparents' houses, I'm able to have a lot more quality time with them. I've been learning more about their personalities, and appreciate their individualities so much more. For that, I am grateful.
And of course, I'm grateful that my family and friends continue to be healthy, that we have resources to take care of all of our needs.
Our city is opening up tomorrow, with some protections in place. It seems too early, when the deaths are still racking up all around our country.